Spiralling Out of Control

Walking the Dog

Unanswered invitations are beginning to pile up, sitting neglected in our inboxes and on the mantelpiece:

one wedding invitation
one girl’s weekend away
one mass family camping holiday
one conference in London
one karate grading
one boy’s football watching weekend
several 6 your old birthday parties
two jewellery making parties
one 40th Birthday party
one day at a Spa (much needed)

We have no idea where we will be, or what we will be doing next month or even next year. Will we still be a family of four or will we become five?

I am not the most organised person, but I do like to be in control of my own destiny. This uncertainty is difficult for us grown-ups. How do you explain it to a little girl who needs to know exactly what is happening, in great detail, every day otherwise she is unable to cope. If we knew what was happening we could help her deal with it. But we don’t.

The result: Defiance, hitting, screaming, shouting, contrariness, wetting and general regression. All even harder to deal with than normal, because our stress levels are quite high!  It’s a vicious circle.

We had no choice but to tell Winnie Whirlwind, albeit hypothetically, that we are thinking about adopting a baby. Firstly because the assessing social worker wanted to talk to her and secondly because we couldn’t just spring it on her a couple of weeks after matching.

She had already suggested that we have a baby a few weeks earlier stating: “If you eat too much Mummy you can grow a baby in your tummy.” So we knew that in theory she would like the idea. Obviously the reality will probably be very different.

But for now she is obsessed with the idea of having a baby sister. Everyday she mentions it and everyday I have to say we are still thinking about it. Cue another tricky day at school

And it may not happen.

Five months ago we were told there was no-one else in the running. It would hopefully be a straightforward assessment, approval and matching, all done and dusted by February.

We should have known better.

After Christmas everything went quiet. After a lot of phone calls and emails trying to get hold of someone that might know something about anything, an email finally arrived in my inbox. Just one line, which read as follows:

“Someone else is now being assessed”…



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