Sharing the Hurt

SwingMost days I can cope with the wetting, the verbal abuse, the defiance, the lying. We have strategies. Obviously there are days when my coping mechanism does fail me and a very early bedtime ensues, rapidly followed by a large glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

What I can’t cope with is, what the school politely describe as relentless, “physical incidences”.

There are several of these each day and despite trying almost every trick in the ‘attachment disorder strategy book’ and receiving ongoing professional support, the number of incidents has not declined. In fact they have increased and the force behind the kicking, hitting and pinching is intensifying. Yes we understand in theory, why this is happening, but in reality it is very hard to accept.

It is very difficult to cope with the fact that she punches her amazing, dedicated Teaching Assistant, whose tolerance and patience is endless.

It is very difficult to cope with the fact that she hurts her friends who are so kind, understanding and accepting of her behaviour. At only six years old they are currently without prejudice.

I know how it feels to be the parent of a child that has been hurt by a peer. I have been that parent. The anger and dislike you feel for the other child is immense. The love for your child and the overwhelming desire to protect them means that you do not care why the other child did it. There is no excuse for hurting someone else.

I want to protect my deeply traumatised daughter, from the anger, dislike and possibly hatred that she will incur in others as a result of her actions. Everyone wants their children to be liked, but if they don’t like themselves then how is this possible?

And we cannot ignore the fact that regardless of the deep trauma and hurt behind it, physical violence is and will always be socially unacceptable.




6 thoughts on “Sharing the Hurt

  1. I really feel for you, I could have written this post about either of my sons at any number of times. Even now at 9 and 10, we have many incidents of lashing out in school. At age 6 though I remember it being very hard with my eldest, I used to dread pick up each day as it was always a catalogue of who he’d hurt. Now however although he does sometimes still lash out, I find it easier to discuss the incident with him and because of the social unacceptance of this behaviour, I do implement a consequence. We always discuss other options of dealing with the situation, which of course requires him telling an adult if someone has hurt him first. And although it feels like it falls on deaf ears at times, I still think it’s important to keep plugging the message, with a little maturity he is starting to make better choices. Hang in there. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job of supporting your daughter.

    Thanks for sharing on #WASO

  2. It is so so hard but thank you for sharing your post. I am trying to find the right words but I can’t. I would have to agree with Sarah, as the boys are maturing we are seeing more evidence of making better choices.

  3. I read your post whilst nodding all the way in understanding. Thanks for writing and ‘getting it out there.’

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