Living a Half Life

Heart 2Eight months ago we were approached to ask us if we would consider adopting Winnie Whirlwind’s sister. Today will still have no idea whether we will soon become a family of five or remain a family of four. Yet another court date has been set for July. Maybe a decision will be made then, maybe not!

Over the last eight months we have experienced a whole spectrum of emotions, from happiness and excitement to apprehension and disappointment. But these emotions are now being replaced by an overwhelming feeling of anger!

Anger that an innocent little girl will now be a year plus when she is finally placed with her forever family, whoever they may be. She is attached to her foster carers and that wrench will undoubtedly have long-term consequences.

Anger that despite all the publicity about the government trying to simplify and speed up the adoption process to reduce the amount of time children spend in care, this is not happening! Come and talk to me Nicky Campbell and I will tell you what the adoption process is really like!

And anger that we are living a half life. Despite all our best efforts to carry on as normal, there is always a bit of us thinking that things may be very different in a few months time. I sit in meetings at working agreeing to take on responsibility for various actions, thinking: “I may not even be here then”. We are booking holidays thinking: “Are we actually going to be able to go?”

But above all else I am angry that I cannot, however hard I try, completely focus on my family. I am constantly waiting for emails or phone calls to update me on the situation.

Sammy Skateboard will  be 15 in a couple of months time. His childhood is slipping away and I cannot help feeling resentful towards the system, which has meant that my mind is not entirely focused on enjoying  my children and everything we do. I am angry because I do not want to feel like this.

Backing out is not an option for us, as we want to do everything in our power to keep Winnie and her sister together. We just need someone to make a decision so that we can get on with living our life!

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One thought on “Living a Half Life

  1. I am so sorry that it is still dragging on for you. I do understand so much of how you feel. Missing our sons first birthday was really painful for us. And all the waiting for emails, for letters, for phone calls, it is really destructive to family life. 😦 Hope you get some good news soon.

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