Silver Linings

Angel It’s oh so quiet! Our building work has finished the kids have gone back to school and the dog is at Grandma’s house. Baby Billy and I have the house to ourselves. Bliss! But it just didn’t feel right this morning packing Winnie Whirlwind off on a school bus for her first day at junior school.

I have been carving notches in the bedpost, counting down the days, hours and minutes until school started again. To say her behaviour has been tricky over the summer is an understatement. She has driven me insane, her behaviour is becoming very difficult for us to manage and it has been almost impossible for us to have any fun. We are hoping that going full-time at the special school where she has been on a guest placement since January will help improve things (you have to hope!). Unfortunately it is logistically impossible for me to take her to the new school and so she has to go on school transport with an escort. Inevitably this triggers that monster known as ‘Mother’s Guilt’.

But Winnie doesn’t care! In fact she was extremely excited about the whole thing! She skipped out of the house and leapt on the bus without a backward glance. I had to call her back to give me a kiss and say goodbye.

At the age of seven and three quarters I would have been petrified by the thought of going to school on a bus with strangers, without my Mummy. Likewise her big brother Sammy would have hated it. But Winnie does not see the world as we do. Winnie has no sense of danger or stranger awareness. What she fears is not being in control. So leaping on a bus with a bunch of strangers who she can potentially charm and twist around her little finger is not the least bit frightening for Winnie. She thinks it is great fun.

I guess there is always a silver lining!

Attachment disorder does not have many positive aspects, but this morning it made life much easier for Winnie.

For me however it is a different story. I can’t help but wish I was the one strolling hand in hand to and from school with Winnie, chatting about the day, just like I did with Sammy and hopefully I will do with Baby Billy. The reality of course would be completely different, involving a lot of defiance and a fair amount of stress. And when it’s tipping down with rain and icy cold I am sure I will see things slightly differently as I wave her off from our front door still wearing my onesie!


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