A Diary of an Adoptive Parent – Life Changing Decisions and Birthday Cake

Coffees drunk: 5 so far
Cakes eaten: hard to quantify
Housework done: None
Glasses of wine I’m planning to drink tonight: Lots!
Blogs written: 1

The last week has been fairly eventful. This morning however, we have some quiet time! No meetings or therapy sessions, no visitors (so far) and no important phone calls to make. Of course the house is a tip as usual, I have mounds of washing to sort out and the floors need cleaning, but I am ignoring that. Instead, while Baby Billy sleeps, I am faffing around on the internet, attempting to write a blog and picking at leftover birthday cake.

Since half term life has been quite peaceful and dare I say it….calm. Yes, I know, there is always calm before a storm. And this period of calm came to an abrupt end last Thursday.

I was wandering aimlessly around Homebase getting distracted from Cross Winniethe task in hand by Christmas decorations, when my phone rang. It was Winnie’s school phoning to tell me she had called her teacher a “f****** t**t” and threatened to “kick her up the a**e”.

Now I really have no idea where she has heard that sort of language (honest)! But I’m not surprised about the outburst. We knew it was coming, we just didn’t know when, where, or what form it would take. It was undoubtedly triggered by the death of our much loved 17 year old cat, Sleepy Sid, the Sunday before.

FingerOn Friday I received a similar phone call to tell me Winnie had punched another child. This was followed by Sammy the teenager returning home with a mangled finger. He had somehow managed to run over it with his own skateboard!

Saturday saw us hosting a birthday party for Winnie with just 40 ccake drawinglose family and friends. Despite the volcanic eruptions of the previous two days, the party went amazingly well; we played games, ate hotdogs and cake, drank wine (grown-ups only of course) and had lots of fun! Nobody screamed or shed any tears! Result!

Sunday however was a different matter. A Sleepy Sidvery late night all round meant tempers were frayed and tolerance levels reduced! As a result the planned family trip to choose a garden plant to help us remember Sleepy Sid came to an untimely end. Winnie just could not cope with the whole thing and decided to use Sammy as her punch bag. As you can imagine all hell let loose. We still don’t have a plant!

Monday was Winnie’s birthday. Everyone was reluctantly dragged out of
bed at 6am so that there was plenty of time to open presents. PresentAfter a flurry of wrapping paper and excitement Winnie and Sammy left for school.

Half an hour later the phone rang. It was the social worker with an update on Winnie’s latest sibling. Now, I could dedicate a whole blog to this, but I will just give you a brief summary.  In August we had a call from our social worker to say: “Winnie’s birth mother has had another baby, would we consider either fostering to adopt or adoption?!”  If you have read my blog before you will know this is history repeating itself.

We have now had almost three months to think about it. Our hearts wanted to say yes, but our heads were saying no. It has been an incredibly difficult decision, but the impact it would have on our children and us as a family would be immense. Emotionally and practically we cannot take on any more. And so on Winnie’s 8th Birthday I had to tell the social worker that we had made the heartbreaking decision not to adopt her little sister.

ice skaterThe rest of the day and week has disappeared in a medley of ice-skating, more birthday cake, CAMHS and Thrive sessions, girl’s and boy’s nights in and out and the general day to day chaos of family life.

And as for today…well this afternoon I have a meeting with my boss (and very close friend) about work. I have to let her know that after a huge amount of deliberation I don’t think, realistically that I will be able to return to work. This has been a massive, extremely hard and very scary decision for me. I love my job and my team and I have never not worked! Resigning is very final. I’m really not looking forward to having to do it.

So for the rest of the morning I’m going to stick my head in the sand,onesie me carry on picking at the birthday cake, have another caffeine fix and waste time looking at holidays we can’t afford on the Internet, until Baby Billy wakes up and reality beckons.

Roll on onesie and wine o’clock!



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